A REACH Story

Interview with Tom Lewis
Tom and Bonnie Lewis adopted two young girls five years ago, Jenna now age 12 and Anna age nine. Recently Jenna was having problems at home and at school with her peers. She was not fitting in and trying too hard to belong with the wrong kids. Jenna’s principal suggested Tom and Bonnie go back and check with the agency they adopted from for help.

The Lewis’ soon found their way to the REACH Program. According to Tom, the day he called REACH he was, “Depressed, not knowing where to turn, not knowing what to do.” Tom said he and Bonnie were at a dead end. They tried everything they knew from raising two older boys and, “We were at our wits end.”

Tom remembers feeling hopeful after calling REACH because he found out he and Bonnie could, “Learn more about what was going on and what we needed to do.” Tom said, “After that call I knew someone was going to stand with us until we got help.”

Tom recalls meeting with REACH staff, telling his family’s story, and beginning to understand no one was at fault. He and Bonnie started to understand his girls were not trying to be disobedient; they were trying to cope with what happened earlier in their lives. Just that simple understanding was, “Like the sun breaking out on a cloudy day.” Tom also recalls learning about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), and why some young children have trouble forming relationships later in life. Tom said, “We walked away knowing there was hope and we would be able to figure this thing out.”

Tom and Bonnie were referred to a local psychotherapist who specializes in RAD. Tom recalls within a month everything came together. The therapist worked with his family and he and Bonnie felt a lot better. Tom said he noticed a big difference in his wife’s attitude, “She was like a new person with a new outlook on life, because the burden lifted.”

Recently Tom reported things at home and school are more relaxed, and the girls are doing much better. The principal called a few weeks ago and reported Jenna was like a different child at school with new friends. Tom says there are still bumps in the road, and there always will be, but “Overall, things changed from the middle of winter to the middle of spring.”

Looking back, Tom said he most appreciates learning about RAD and the therapist’s ability to recognize what the family’s problems were. One of the biggest changes is how Tom and Jenna disciple the girls. Now when the girls misbehave, there is a big difference between punishment and consequences. They have a poster board that lists chores, consequences and rewards, which helps keep the family organized and on track.

Another thing Tom appreciates is learning how to react to his girl’s interest in their birth mother. Tom used to explain that the girl’s parents loved them, but chose drugs over parenting. He thought that was a good answer because it was true and logical. Now he realizes there are different ways to say the same thing, and tries to match what he says to the girl’s level of understanding. He said, “We put a box on the fireplace for the girls to put letters into for their birth mother because we understand this is something they need to talk about.”

Finally Tom reports some extended family members have started counseling and as a whole the family is recognizing and dealing with issues. He said, “That REACH phone call has had a ripple effect and touched the circle of life in my family. We all have a different outlook, and for Jenna especially, there has been a big, big difference.”